Psychomuse.com

Poetry, 2007

WARM FUZZIES

Warmth and love within my lap

Richard Marx within my ears

I've long felt sad before content

But don't be worried by my tears

I'm always worried by my fears

At times I want my solitude

Cherishing my time alone

But when he walks in through the door

I can't recall an empty home

Nor would I want an empty home

More and more I realize

How life can seem so very short

The years go by in the blink of an eye

There is no time for our love to abort

I pray our love will not abort

Soon our union will be proper

I place some value on this thing

Our lives are fine the way they are

But I still want to wear your ring

And you know my heart still loves to sing

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

GIFT OF LIFE

Beneath a stop sign late one night

Cold and lonely beneath moonlight

Left there huddled close together

Uncertain if they're there forever

Evil lives upon the earth

Far and wide extends its girth

But love prevails and takes its due

This is how life gave us you

I hear the cries, the frightened voices

But at this moment, mine rejoices

In this heart so warm and true

For I am glad life gave us you

Still anger hits me now and then

Thinking of what might have been

If someone hadn't found them there

If that someone didn't care

Stupidity lurks upon the earth

Far and wide extends its girth

But love prevails and takes its due

This how life gave us you

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TEA CUP EULOGY

in memory of a beloved food-snatching rat

Life is like a day

So quickly does it pass us by

At first it seems so very long

And then it ends and we're surprised

I knew your time was very near

I knew one day you'd not be here

I blinked just once and you were gone

You leave us here to carry on

But I have memories, pictures too

Of all the reasons I love you

I only pray my memory stays

So that yours will never fade

I still see you drinking tea

Stealing food in front of me

Hiding morsels in your stash

Though I'd throw them in the trash

And when you slept you were serene

You ate it all and stayed so lean

I'll miss your hands and twitching nose

And the eyes which sparkled so

God, I know that You know best

And I know she wanted rest

Lift this burden off of me

And please make sure she gets her tea.

Preferably Earl Grey if you have it.

I'll miss you, Gracie. You are indeed a wondrous soul.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

PSD

Whitney loved to PhotoShop

Painting many days away

Critters peeing on her clothes

As she made them sit and pose

Then a mom she knew from work

Gave her pictures of her kid

Cutest creature as could be

So guess what Whitney did with she?

PhotoShopping butterflies

Onto toes in dainty socks

Flowers 'round her head so fair

Floating in the very air...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kerry the Carefree Wussie.

I think I'll write a poem.

Kerry was a carefree soul

Who didn't like to play in snow

She stayed at home instead of working

Where the geeks would sure be lurking

And while she ate her steaming stew

What did all the brave souls do?

They drove their trucks right to her place

And at her door she had to face

A hungry group of weathered geeks

Who smelled her stew and came to eat

Tracking snow all over the floor

Eating the stew and asking for more

Got back in their trucks and left her alone

To read her books in her snow-covered home

Kerry was a carefree wussie

Yeah, she is a carefree wussie

HEY!! Everybody sing it!

Kerry is a Carefree Wussie

As a mere mortal maybe should be

Kerry is a Carefree Wussie

But she has stew and so should we!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

THE SPELL

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50 miles an hour and I

Feel the time just passing by

Just beginning my new life

Barely learning how to try

Only light from this setting sun

Has brought me so much endless wonder

Looking up into the skies

I can't deny the spell I'm under

Scraped-up knees because I stumbled

Lost a point because I fumbled

Misplaced notes and misplaced years

Learning how to use my ears

I skydive from a speeding jet

Spiral downward toward the earth

The world is spinning, I'm alive

I didn't die, for what it's worth

Only light from this setting sun

Has brought me joy and endless wonder

Looking up into the skies

I can't deny the spell I'm under

Where did she go, the girl I was?

I ponder this on morning tea

And miss the rat who stole my food

And wonder if she's missing me

And wonder if I'm ever able

To let things go, just let them cease

For sometimes even though I'm happy

I'm not so certain I've found my peace

Yet only light from this setting sun

Has brought me joy and endless wonder

Looking up into the skies

I can't deny the spell I'm under

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

POLISHED

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Your eyes twinkle

They sparkle in the moonlight

So seldom giving up their hope

So often lending me your sight

You whisper

As the night falls gently down

"I love you"

And I know you'll always be around

My heart aches

For so vividly is my imagination

Demonstrative of its affection

Towards you, my brilliant jewel

The brightest star within the sky

A reflection of what is right

And deep within the endless night

I see

The shine and lustre of a wondrous metal

Polished to a brilliant gleam

Holding out its hand for me

So refined

Carved to my delight

So beautiful in every way

I awaken every day

To hold it in my hand

And love it deeply

Before it wears away

And the shine

It never seems to fade

As if a million cloths

Enshroud it

Keeping it aglow

I can't put you on a pedestal

Because you're true to form

And cast a look my way

Telling me that you will stay

We're getting older every day

Eighty years are as a heartbeat

And I know

The rings we'll wear mean nothing

And everything to us

At the same time

If only there was

More time

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

THE PHOTOGRAPH

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My words often rhyme

Though I struggle to stop them

They come out

A myriad of birds flitting to and fro

Vying for attention

Struggling against the bars of an iron cage

Where might lends itself

To merciless restraint

And inconceivable tension

On my screen, a photograph

It tells a thousand words

Shows happiness

Where words may not suffice

But even the picture

Complete with vivid colouring

Perfect form, steady, true

Is of the moment

Just a tincture

It allows the observer

To grasp its essence

To join in

And live in the mind's eye

If but for a second

For the experience itself

Is lost forever

Known only to the artist -

The one who took the photo.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

expression, wandering

saxophone plays

a thumping beat

reminiscence

aural mist of wondrous hues

softspoken words of heartfelt feelings

forced tranquility

vocals searing

rising, falling

sighing pleasure

the power of expression

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

CLOSURE

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thump, thump, thump

dance upon the rainy sky

wiggle those hips

exotic melodies arise

excitement in the air

screaming

rain pouring down

swirling mists of purple

sunlight

clouds depart

light, so bright

hymnal refrain

fall to earth

dance on rocks

embrace the trees

fall down laughing

lay in the mud

always moving

always dancing

end the chorus

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

FOAM

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loose rubber straps

bind plastic to feet

squishing the snow

in a soft, crunchy beat

overhead soars

a picturesque bird

his is a sound

which I haven't heard

for inside each ear

Is foam I've pushed in

the sound cannot reach me

nor can the wind

the still of the air

is silent as stone

with no other senses

I may have been alone

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ANYTIME

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God, I think about

How time will fly and I

Think of our last days and how

One of us could die

Anytime

I can't bear to think of him

In either situation

Facing his own judgements

Or face in consternation

Anytime

And life's too short to say goodbye

Life's too short to shout and fight

Love someone with all your heart

And you'll see, you'll hold them tight

Anytime

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

YOU AND ME

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I've a rock I lean upon

When I'm happy

When I'm down

And with the Light

Of the world upon me

I walk by your side

It's plain to see

That it's us, it's you and me

Our love is singing, soft and free

No place else I'd rather be

Than here with you, it's you and me

There are times I play at night

Absorbed within a place so dark

I regress

A moment lost in simple sadness

And then I'm back together

I look across the fields of green

Sunlight hits your face, I see

That it's us, it's you and me

Our love is singing, soft and free

No place else I'd rather be

Than here with you, it's you and me

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WHO WE ARE

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Look what has happened

I was a geek without purpose

A heart without love

A soul without cause

Like waves in the sea

You crept alongside

Rocking my boat

So gently; you love

I knew who I was

Now I'm learning

Who we are

And who I am with you

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

STRENGTH

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They tell me not to worry but

I see it every day

I feel the possibilities

Weighing heavy in my heart

We're young for now but anything

Can happen to us any day

Deny it all, we never know

God knows how much I once had suffered

Only He could know my heart

He knows the strength so deep inside

He knows my limits and He knows my stride

And I know He'll be there all my life

Regardless of what is thrown at us

All throughout our joy and pain

I cry inside for all I've gained

For all I've got could soon be lost

I try enjoying all I have

Memorizing all these feelings

I savour all the special moments

In case it all should end some day

And I'm left with memories

The scent of him upon my pillow

Bringing back the tears of joy

Feeding cats and rats and lizards

Before we headed off to work

Hamsters hanging from their bars

Taking pictures from our vistas

Walking hand-in-hand by lakes

And then I wake up every morning

He's still lying by my side

God only knows the tears I've cried

They say you don't know what you've got

But God, I know, I won't let go

My heart breaks nearly every day

God, I know, I've got to know

The scent of him upon my pillow

Lending me these tears of joy

Feeding cats and crickets and lizards

Before we're heading off to work

Watching hamsters on their bars

Climbing mountains with his love

Walking hand-in-hand by lakes

Every single awesome day

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

SHAKING

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I feel these words screaming

Beating their wings

Against bars of a cage

Shaking and trembling

Cold in their prison

A beam of light the only warmth

But it's all futile

To scream out their meanings

To give them free rein

It would take years

For words can't express

The feelings inside

Can't tell of the love

That lives inside my very essence

The very core of my existence

You've touched me

Deep inside

You've touched my heart

With an understanding hand

I've loved some things

But these tears in my eyes

Are exasperated waters

Dammed up over this inexpression

Of my love for you

My husband

And partner for life

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

IN THE USA

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Driving through the countryside

Seen some desert, sand dunes, rock

Long ago drawn by the natives

Glyphs a type of histry clock

Lizards all across the land

Ground squirrels, cactus, chipmunks too

Castles wanted us to eat them

What were we supposed to do

Eating slyders all day long

Wading beaches in the mud

Shells worn down by crashing waves

In my mind an awesome thud

Rounding corners, twists and turns

Playing in the sands of time

Painting land with pots of sulphur

Waiting for another time

Here in the USA

Rains so scarce, my eyes so blind

Heat upon my shoulders bare

Sun so bright, it hurt my eyes

Prairies sprawled to who knows where

Ugly butts the antelope

Gently stared; we passed them by

Snapping pictures, memories

Still at night I had to cry

Man-made lakes from man-made dreams

Coloured falls brought down the day

Bridges grand and streams of green

Canyons took our breath away

We saw cars, yeah, lots of cars

And some things you might think strange

We saw bears and we saw many

Bison roaming in the range

We call the USA

Rainbows, lightning, faces carved

Such a small world with our wheels

A palace built of corn and shops

Never sure of what was real

And through it all my stomach turned

To wistful thoughts of our return

Back to our home in mountains green

Where my true love had married me

In the USA

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

LIST

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In my list

Your name is gone

I'd left it there for years

In hopes you'd be my friend again

And you never were

But the other night when you IM'ed

I felt my irritation rise

Suspicion lingered at the keys

And I heard the door that I'd left open

Close upon your baby eyes

I never fully understood your stance

Never saw why I'm the one

That forgave, but not forgiven

Stood so tall despite it all

When you gave up on me

I walked away, though I looked back

Like a fool, I prayed one day

You'd see the friend you had in me

And return the loyalty

Before it all went sour

Now, I miss that friendship

Miss it more than words can say

The past is over, my wounds have healed

But I've not forgotten what you've done

Or what you might still do

So I wipe your memory

From the tears upon my cheeks

And wish that friend I'd loved so much

Had been for real

And not some fickle kid

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

BITS AND PIECES

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Bits and pieces

Memories

Glistening like shards

Misted with water

My tears

long forgotten

In a sea of misery

That dried two years ago

Left behind the salt

When my scars rip open

The salt is there

It stings and cleanses

An antiseptic

And in my heart

There coexists

A love more pure than anything

That I've ever known in this tiny world

And the anguish I still suffer

When the memories

Surface once again

I once was told

It comes out when stable

And I've known stability

Since you came along

I gave up trying to understand

Every little thing I feel

My skin still tears

And I still hear

The heartbeats of a million people

All of which fit in my hand

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WONDER

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Volcano erupted

Emotions gone astray

The stresses of a year

Softly blown away

I sat in the grasses

I asked myself questions

Is happiness there

I wondered

Then I shut my eyes

Sought out my fears

The photographs and memories

The tokens of two years

I sat in the grasses

I thought of my life

Should I be sad

I wondered

Yet emotions remained

So I sought out their reason

Why they were there

Why now is their season

I sat in the grass

I thought of old words

Can I find me again

I wondered

Now you hold me close

Your love on my lips

Your eyes full of starlight

Your hands on my hips

I hold you so tight

I know what I've got

Did I ever forget?

I wonder

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

THE LADY

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I've seen you thrice before

Sister of a friend

So much her twin and yet so different

In spirit; I amend

With certain grace, you held your head

And cried upon the words you said

Emotions captured in your eyes

So plain revealed, with no disguise

I did not notice 'til the pictures

How photogenic you would be

With every one my heart stood still

As your soul, I'd plainly see

I do not know if motherhood

Is what caused this graceful gaze

I could shoot just anything

But you shine through the wedding haze

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ALREADY THERE

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dedicated to J

You've been my friend for what seems like forever

I've known you since I moved here

You move away in body, but not in spirit

This morning full of new beginnings

You're in my heart and thoughts today

I see you off with prayer and love

As my life continues here

In this life I've chosen well

For if you love someone

Even when they're hours away

Aren't you already there in spirit

Even if your body stays?

I've learned in life that moments pass

So quickly are we separated

Each moment is to be cherished

Each memory preserved

None can take away the things we've shared

And in the future we'll share more

For this is the beginning

Of the rest of our lives

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

SHOWER

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To real inspiration

A poet I once was

Full of anger raging

Tossing spray upon the rocks

Forcing every boat to splinters

One small ship survived the wreckage

Her masts were broken, still she sailed

A ghost upon horizon's sky

A memory of what could be

I took you then, into my heart

I told you then that you could stay

Awareness fades but in my heart

The promise of another day

Sail into the waterfall

Wash away the fading stains

Of tears that fell so heavily

Against restraining window panes

My heart's still open to your call

I love you deeper than before

You'll never leave me here alone

I won't become what I abhor

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

THE LAWN OF IS

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for Erin P.C.

Once there was a Lawn of IS

It grew while Erin was away

Soon the blades would reach the sky

Waiting to be mowed some day

'Twas left alone so kept on growing

Grew so long that it fell over

Someone cut it then but still

Its little roots dug even lower

And the office pleas:

Erin, Erin, please come back!

This grass has rooted in the keys!

It will consume the whole office

Come back and mow the Lawn of IS!!

(welcome back)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

CRUNCHY

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Crunchy shells surrounding me

A blanket whispering softly

Bean burritos set before

My eyes of hunger, they want more

Got it all yet still I fall

I can hear the silent call

Never happy, satisfied

Never mind how much I've tried

Then a look, a soft embrace

The warmth dries up my tear-stained face

Understanding of my heart

Nothing tears my love apart

You know how everybody thinks

You've gotta be the one that fits

Expectations, delegations

Insanely gross insinuations

Leads me to incarceration

Armed with wisdom held at bay

In this world we all must stay

Until the hour of release

When our souls are given peace

Understanding follows me

I can't forget the things I see

Doesn't really help me though

All this knowing what I know

And then I see how people think

I've gotta be the one that fits

Fermentation, insurrection

Concession tailed by resignation

Pro tempore renunciation

The cycle never seems to end

Yet the rules have known to bend

To the wishes of the damned

I remember where I am

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

HARVEST

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The words cascade from fingertips

They paint fermented pictures on the seasoned canvas

The colours blend so eagerly

By means of these electric brushes

Hairs astray are wiped from eyes

Glistening beads of sweat on hands

Working hard upon the keys

Painting distant but familiar lands

I feel you watching

I feel you smiling

I feel you loving me

The words themselves can harvest pain

Drudge it up, a willing past

Wring out the moisture from its bandage

And beat it 'til it dies at last

Was I soul-searching, was I

Looking for a way to sleep

Where does my anger go when I

Find myself in love so deep

When my eyes are glazing over

I feel your arm supporting me

If I fall I know you'll catch me

Pull me upright, help me see

I see you watching

I see you smiling

I see you loving me

The words themselves can harvest pain

Drudge it up, a willing past

Wring out the moisture from its bandage

And beat it 'til it dies at last

I feel you watching

I feel you smiling

I feel you wanting

Touching, holding, loving me

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

BUBBLE BATH

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Sat within a pool of oil

Raindrops splashing on my knees

Air of silence in my ears

Scent of peach surrounding me

My fingers work to ease the pain

Tension slowly dissipates

Dancing in the waters still

I cannot seem to concentrate

I see the bluish tinge alight

Streaming from my fingertips

My mind is numb with nothingness

Soap is trickling off my lips

Is this the last of what I had

That place where sense was real to me

I can't recall just how I saw

It fades away, a memory

Contentment falls around me now

A haze that blocks my other world

I sometimes miss the odd sensations

Even though I'd not return

As I grow into this shell

I'm terrified of being me

Shall I mourn for who I was

Or for the one I'm going to be

I miss the energy, the lights, the stars

Others missed these subtleties

I remember all that I have seen

But all I've seen are memories

The passion's gone, there's little left

Of everything I once had made

I hear the music, try to dance

But this song's already played

Who am I now

I'm stronger than I was before

Content with life

Still I miss me and my lore

Visualize the stars again

See them swirling, universe

Feel the place I once belonged

Before I moved away

Before he came my way

Before I put it all away

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TOKEN

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Little things like a slip of paper

Donations on it, just a caper

Training me for just a while

On his face a growing smile

He says he's proud of me

In his face I see his love

Appreciation touches us

A token sent from up above

How many times have I felt happy

Watching him just watching me

The playful sounds that we both make

When we're scarcely half awake

And when I anger, sheer frustration

Overriding all his fears is me

I never doubt that he'll be there

When I find I cannot see

He says he's proud of me

In his face I see his love

Appreciation touches us

A token sent from up above

I hope he knows I'm proud of him

And in my face he'll see my love

Every time he's drawng near

A token sent from up above

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

RUFFLED FUR

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Whiskers twitch, her fur ruffs up

She understands why she can't stay

Taunts her senior with her claws

Hissing, spitting anyway

Muscles clench beneath soft fur

Silent cries of agony

Unaccepting of herself

Curling up, she starts to dream

A game of cat and mouse ensues

Thomas seems to know it all

But Jerry's spirit is rambunctious

And gets away as Tom plays ball

Decision made, she wakes and stretches

Licks her paws with great precision

She knows herself and knows her strength

Despite the laughs and slight derision

The sulky kitty sniffs her tea

Curling up into a ball

Wonders what is up ahead

No longer worried she may fall

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

SYNE LANGUAGE

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in memory of Dan Fogelberg

may his music live on

I listen to your songs again

Recollecting days gone past

Feeling movement in my heart

As it spills these words at last

Beating out the rhythm still

Even though you couldn't stay

Miming thoughts and wisdom now

You sculpted words that pave our way

You may be gone but your words live on

"A run for the roses so red"

The spirit endeavors to serve while it's here

Yours just happened to run on ahead

So I join in the dance

An old lang syne, a distant land

I offer my words as a humble refrain

To the Leader of the Band

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

2007 was a mixture of love and grief. We adopted Sinclair, and I was smitten by the fuzzy little kitten. We were warned of a deformity he might have, but he proved everyone wrong about his potential handicap.

Shortly after, I lost my beloved pet rat, Gracie.

Then Dale and I married.

We went on a long vacation across the U.S. and saw all kinds of things. I wrote a song on the way home, which started out as a poem: “In The U.S.A.”

The rest of the year included my best friend moving away, a few colleagues finding new jobs, the death of singer, Dan Fogelberg, and a lot of love surrounding me. I spent a lot of time terrified that my good fortune would be taken from me, because it seemed I had way too much while others had so little.

Despite my job going well enough, I also knew inside that I was almost ready for a change. I felt something snap inside, a little piece of me finishing some sort of growth process.

But I stayed put.

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