Psychomuse.com

Poetry, 1998

CAN'T IT BE LIKE BEFORE

I loved you with all my heart

For so many years

You turned me away with a single wave of your hand

And made my eyes fill with tears

You'd sing to me with a voice

That chilled me to the bone

I thought I'd never, ever be--

I'd never be all alone

But now I am, and you're not here

I'm lying here without you

I'm missing you with such an emptiness

Aren't you feeling it, too?

Can we be apart forever more

Without each other

Side by side, arm in arm

Can't it be like before?

You'd put me to sleep

With your tender words

Emotions ran deep

In the voice that I heard

But now you are gone

And I am alone

I need you here with me

I need you at home

Can we be apart forever more

Without each other

Side by side, arm in arm

Can't it be like before?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

THOUGHTS OF ONE

My life was dark with endless gray

Until the day I met you

You came to me from a different place

And left me feeling blue.

Yet you were there for that one year

When my life was in total ruin.

You sparked my mind and showed me a way --

How I wish I knew what you're doing!

That Link we share, I can't forget

Even now I feel the hum

As our minds touch, and you are there

And the thoughts we share are One.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

SHADOWS

In the shadows

A figure looms ahead.

Waiting for a victim

So he may make them dead.

He calls out to the passerby

Of which there aren't too few

With words of promise and of praise

And dreams that will come true.

But when on stops and turns around,

His body turns to stone.

The mind and soul depart from him,

And he is left alone.

For what is a person, if not himself?

To yourself and to God, be true.

Shake the dust from your feet and leave it behind,

Or the pillar of salt will be you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

THE SOUL'S ESSENCE

Mimicking words that I've heard before

I feel that time is running out on me

Yet somehow I'll live in the lost sands of time

And I will feel so totally free.

Ideas will be floating within my own soul

Coming from the Collective, they'll be pure and true.

No words to describe them, just thoughts, that is all

All thoughts, past and present, like those that I knew.

Freedom is Thought, and Thought is Belief

In the One who created us, right from the Start.

I look forward to Knowing so much more than I do,

But I know that the Knowledge is here in my heart.

I just need to listen, and it's there.

Speaking to me from the Essence of my Soul

That part that Knows subconsciously what's out there,

The part that makes me whole.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

UNTIL THE END OF THE WORLD

Tell me that it's not over

Tell me it's not too late

Tell me that you'll love me forever

Tell me that you'll wait

If I hold you now

Will you stay with me

Until the end of time

Baby, tell me please

When the rivers run uphill

And trees turn into blue

When the sky begins to darken

All I'll want is you

Do you feel the same

Would you feel the pain

If we were apart for just one day

Baby, tell me that you'll stay

When the ocean dries completely

And the mountains fall apart

When the sea begins to redden

Will you give me all your heart

Do you feel the same

Would you feel the pain

If we were apart for just one day

Baby, tell me that you'll stay

I know life won't be easy

Every day can be a chore

But with you at my side

And I at yours...

Until the end of the world

I'll be forever yours

And you'll be in my heart

Way past forever more

Until the end of the world...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

OUR LOVE IS FOREVER

Though we are far apart

My love for you has grown

They tell me it's too late

But there's something I've been shown

Our love will be forever

It will grow forever

It will bloom a thousand years from now

And survive a thousand more

I sit alone at night

Thinking only of you

And what we used to have

I know you feel it too

One day we'll find one another again

And only death will keep us apart

Like it did so many times before

But it cannot separate our hearts

Our love will be forever

Time will make it so

A thousand years from now

Plus a million more

Can we wait so long

For our love to come again

Though it exists in the heavens

Will it exist on this new world?

Or will it take much longer

For us to come together

Will our souls be united

When death comes once again?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

BEYOND TIME

Sitting in the darkness

Of the shadows of my life

Watching out the windows

For any sign of life

Suddenly you're there

Helping me survive

You are my real inspiration

You help me live my life

I'm walking down the street

Memories haunt my mind

But if I turn around

You're not that far behind

With the billions of people

Living in this world

You find time to be with me

I could never forget you

Your name does not exist

Because you are everything

You exist in every tree

You even live in me

And when my life passes by

I know I'll have regrets

But walking beside me will be you

And I'll be so content

To worship you

Beyond the end of time

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ANOTHER TIME

Sitting here thinking

Of what might have been

If I'd stayed with you

It would have been nice

Probably so good

I'd never leave you

I would have loved you

With all of my heart

And you'd have loved me

I have few regrets

About leaving you

But that's behind me.

It's ike Déjá Vú

When I think of you

I think you feel it, too

But our lives have gone

Onto separate paths

Though once intertwined.

Perhaps another time...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

SHOW ME

What is this that I'm feeling

That I've felt so long

It's getting stronger everyday

And somehow doesn't feel wrong

I've never known Love

But I think I've known Hate

And I have witnessed Fear

And I know I'm no saint

But what I have here

In my heart, in my soul

Please show me how to love,

'Cause I don't know the role.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WHERE DO WE BEGIN?

You and I --

Well, where do we begin?

Fate brought us together

And will do so again.

For you and I, we are one--

Our souls are intertwined.

We have connections no one can break,

And you are on my mind.

And you'll love me forever,

The way that I'll love you.

Our hearts will bounce with joy,

And our souls and minds will, too.

Though skies will darken

And the heat will subside

As Cold descends upon the earth

And people die as others hide

We'll remain out in the open

Waiting for our lives to end

For though Life does keep us apart

Death will bring us together again.

And our souls will be as One.

I feel you with me now.

Though I am alone

And I can't wait until the day

When you and I are Home.

Perhaps it's too early

To think of what's ahead,

But I've been waiting way too long

In an empty bed.

And at night, when my soul

Journeys to far-off lands

Many places that I visit

I see us holding hands.

And we walk along a deserted beach

Under stars that we can't reach

Thinking to each other, without any words

No noises around, no chirping birds

Just you and me

Alone in some world

Exchanging our thoughts

That cannot be heard.

And our feelings of love

Are so very strong

They don't fade, but they grow

How could it be wrong?

Then we part ways

With one tender kiss

Remember me always

For it's you that I'll miss.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

CAN'T FORGET

I call out to you--

Why don't you answer?

I need you so bad--

Why don't you answer?

I think of your face,

I send out my heart.

But I get no reply.

Why are we apart?

We were so close

Our souls were so tied.

But now we're apart

And as much as I've tried,

I can't forget you

But only hope to find you again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

THE LINK

I've felt your presence

For a while now

You've tried to communicate

But I don't know how

I haven't forgotten

How we first met

That very first Link

I couldn't forget

And now here we are

I am here, and you are there

Yet I just don't know --

I can't find you anywhere

I sense your presence even now

Though I do not know just how

But I can't hear what you'd like to say

Think a bit louder and I just may.

Fires are raging through the forests

Burning every living thing

Birds and animals are fleeing in vain

For nothing will stop Him from becoming King.

I'm not sure exactly why,

But lately I've been seeing you in everyone.

I feel as though you're watching me from afar,

But I don't know just where you are.

I feel the same as when we met

Whenever I think of you.

I Linked with you, and couldn't forget

I knew you'd felt it, too.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

IN GOD WE TRUST

I've watched you grow

Throughout the years

And now I know

How to vanquish your fears

I watch your face

When you look up at me

And there's not a trace

Of what I could see

Innocence lost

Gone on a whim

The light in your eyes

Is becoming so dim

You were so sweet

When you were born

But the world was so wrong

And I was so torn

And then you grew up

And confirmed my worst fears

The world seeped into your life

And made your eyes fill with tears

Innocence lost

Gone on a whim

The light in your eyes

Is becoming so dim

'When you are older

Then you will understand

But for now, be content

To give me your hand'

I led you across

That crowded old street

Never knowing how fast

An old car could be

Then you were in my arms

For the very last time

How I'd hated God

When around rolled the dime

On the back were the leaves

But then on the bust

Were these simple words:

In God We Trust.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

THE DOOR

Reddish lights and dimming rays

Come down on us, destroy our days

They fill our lives with dread

They destroy our daily bread

When they're gone, we will see

All that's left is you and me

All around us volcanoes erupt

Earthquakes are so very abrupt

Words won't matter and neither will thought

Your soul and mine will interlock

Once again, forever more

We'll be behind the great locked door

The lights are so very bright

It's always day, and never night

The sun does shimmer, oh, doesn't it shine?

And we are fortunate to be on the Vine

We won't be picked, I won't let us be

We'll remain here, forever free

Like we should forever more

We'll remain behind the door

Whispered words in my ear

Are loving words that I do hear

I whispered back, before we die

I love you too, and that's no lie

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

SEPARATION

There's a place not far from here

Where we could be together

But for some reason unknown to me

We are not with one another

I've watched young lovers holding hands

And remember how silly we had been

Believing so long that our love would last

Until our lives had decided to end

Forever seemed so short a time

But it lasted so much longer

We'd thought our love would never die

But would instead be ever stronger

Now here we are, away from each other

Each of us living a separate life

And I catch myself wondering what might have been

Had I remained your loving wife

Forever seemed so short a time

But it lasted so much longer

We'd thought our love would never die

But would instead be ever stronger

And here we are, parting our ways

Living a single life

Though I catch myself wondering what it would have been like

To have remained your loving wife

I have to admit that it's better this way

For now we are free yet once again

But how I wish you'd take a little paper

And perhaps write to me with your pen

And inscribe the envelope with the words

You managed to win my heart with before

How strange it seems to remember our marriage

When it's ended now in bitter divorce...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

US TWO ALONE

Crimson skies loom above us

Darkness calls from far below

Here upon a ledge so high

We make a leap up towards the sky

Our bodies collide, and then we fall

Towards the dark and lonely pit

But as we hold each other tight

We find ourselves enwrapped in light

There is no speaking, no language to use

Thoughts of love are all there are

We look around us and see some things

Relevant to only kings

Lands of gold, fields of wheat

Fluffy clouds up in the sky

Seas of green and blue so clear

A forest full of squirrels and deer

The sun shines out for all to see

All around the golden clouds

The sky is bright with sun-lit blue

Lakes of waters that are true

While war goes waging on

And people are dying for themselves

Here we are in this world, alone

Waiting for lives beside our own.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

HOPEFUL DESTRUCTION

The trees are scarred by useless signs

And poison seems to weep from grass

As other follow not really knowing

They're gazing in a looking-glass

Arrows shot within their sight

Seem to end their fears

Anger and hate all dissipate

But here within will lie their fears

For as a tree will grow around

Ass the nails that Man sticks in

The clouds will fade from all your skies

And let the sunshine in.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

INERTIA

Stars envisioned in my mind

Encircling a distant world

Faces unknown appeared

To which I will be hurled.

At tremendous speed, like that of light,

My body will be thrown;

All thoughts erased, and then replaced

With none that are my own.

Smiles greet me, but I'm confused;

They tell me not to despair.

I felt alone, and so afraid,

But now I know They care.

Consumed by hunger, I am fed

By strong and powerful hands.

As I eat I will be shown

Many beautiful lands.

Then erupts the dreams I've had

For so many years

You came along and made me glad

And wiped away my tears.

And now you've gone, just disappeared

From all crevices of my mind

Though now and then, much like now, I turn,

And think you're not that far behind.

--Oh, but you are.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PETER!

You started out at age fourteen

And soon your voice was heard throughout

Few people knew your name at first

But they knew your voice without a doubt.

When you left that band of years

To go your separate ways

Your name would soon be known alone

And THAT began your days!

So, here you are with six albums so far

And you're only 54...

Your voice is great on the albums we've got,

But I think there's room for more!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

LONELY LEAF

Alone on a driveway

Remaining so still

Is a dried-up brown leaf

In the early-morn' chill

Fragments of Illusion

Alight in my mind

Wavering in breezes

I never can find.

My mind becomes still

With thoughts that are blank

In the Dungeon of Chains

Or out on the Plank.

Alone in the wilderness

My animal side rages

So out of control

Like animals in cages

Calming myself

With soft, tranquil thoughts

I feel so alone

'Cause I'm all I've got

And then I remember

Something I'd seen

And Light shines upon me

And my soul becomes clean.

For alone on a driveway

Remaining so still

Was a dried-up brown leaf

In the early-morn' chill.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

MIMI MOUSE 1

Many people think mice are bad

And when mice die, then some are glad

But, like all pets, Mimi was loved

And now she's happy in Heaven above.

Though her life was very short

She filled my life with love.

Now I'm empty without her

But glad that she's with God.

Two weeks ago, Mimi was ill.

Perhaps she was hot, or perhaps caught a chill.

Whatever the reason, she left me one day;

Whatever the reason, she went away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

MIMI MOUSE 2

Just one week ago today

I held in hand my little friend.

As she drew her very last breath,

I knew, for her, it was the end.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

THE FOREST

Sitting in a forest

Lost in the sands of time

We think of past and future

And put it into rhyme.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

THE PATH

Where we are heading

We may think we know

But where Life may take us

We know we must go.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

BEGINNINGS

Beginnings are worthless

Since there's never an end.

Life is a garden

That I cannot tend.

The keys on the 'board

Are beautiful.

To touch them is greatness.

To play them is hard.

But I try anyway.

Several have said

To go with the flow.

Jump as they jump.

Go back to school.

Enjoy Life.

Be happy.

How can I do any of these?

I am myself, torn

Between two worlds.

I cannot jump when others jump,

If it makes me sick.

I cannot enjoy life,

When I feel like a pawn.

I fit into no mould known

As this world would like me to.

Instead, I'm stuck

And cannot break free.

I believed--

No, I actually almost believed --

That I could.

I gave it a shot,

A small one at that.

But it didn't do shit.

I'm still where I was,

Continuing to run,

Continuing to hide,

Dying inside,

Yet full of fire.

Conflicting emotions

That never will end.

Try as I might

My feelings remain.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

EMOTIONAL RISE

Blankness resides inside my head.

Time to regroup my thoughts, I guess.

Felt as though I could get somewhere,

But my feet are heavy and won't move again.

Swirling around in a vast expanse

Are emotions I can't express.

Such a burden I carry and can't lift off

My shoulders of silk and a mind of sand.

To cry, to cry, how nice it feels

To pour out emotion with an uttered sigh.

And perhaps a whimper or even a moan

With a little voice on the bed where I lie.

How awesome it is, to be able to feel

Emotions of someone so far away

Even in a different time

His feelings come through to the present day

And reach out to my heart, to see if it listens.

It does, and cries with anguish for he who has lost--

He whose heart was breaking like mine

Though in a different way.

So I listen, and feel the power

Of words so true to the cause.

With every rise into the air

My poor little heart will follow him there.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

YOU DON'T FEEL IT

I sit alone and think of you

I know that you cannot feel it, too

But in a distant universe

I know Life cannot be any worse

So, I sit alone and write and play

And think of the words that I want to say

And every note I know you'll hear

My words are whispered in your ear

Oh, I sit alone every night

I sit and wonder what it might be like

If you were to be with me

Oh, why can't I just make you see

If you were here in my heart

I know that we'd never be apart

Our lives would be so intertwined

And you know our lives would never die

But I sit alone and think of you

And I know that you do not feel it, too...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

THAT HAUNTING MELODY

That haunting melody

Sometimes it feels so eerie

And when I play it

Sometimes my moods are weary

Weary

And when I listen to the sound

I feel as though He is around

And so am I...

That haunting Melody

Sticks in my head and won't let go

It tells me things that I should already know

Already know

And when I listen to the sound

I feel as though He is around

And so am I...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I had gotten into the keyboard a bit more seriously towards the end of 1997 and during 1998. Some of my poems here not only reflect that with their content and rhythm, but were turned into songs as well.

I still play the melodies of a couple of them on my keyboard to this day:

Shadows

Until The End Of The World

Hopeful Destruction

That Haunting Melody

Exploration of a romance I never knew seems to be a recurring theme during 1998. Too, was reflection on life in general and the shadows that lurk behind every turn.

Contents